The Pedophile Next Door

The condo where we’re staying is filled with a lot of vacationers with a couple of full-time live-in owners thrown in for good measure.  We’ve had John and Ann next door since the beginning of December and they’ll sadly be leaving us at the end of the week.  Ann is 15 years older than John, which I guess would classify her as an 85 year old  cougar.  That’s not how John sees her though, he calls her The Pedophile.  I’m going to miss those two when they leave.

Complicated love was in the air in other ways around here as well.  When we first moved in here we had a friend stay with us for a week or so until he got a place at a hostel.  He’s a 55 year old single guy always looking for a lady.  So he and my husband were up on our 5th floor balcony checking out those below and they saw a tall, long-legged young blond begging for money down on the street.  From the height and angle, she looked pretty good to our friend, so he and hubs came up with a plan.  Hubs was going to walk by her and when she asked for money, he was going to tell her he didn’t have any and she should ask John, who was following behind a few paces.  John’s line was:  “I’ve only got money for beer, want to join me for one?”  It sounded like a solid plan, so they headed down.  Hubs walked by and said his line, sending her to John.  John got his first eye-to-eye look at her and said, “You’re a dude!”  Her response was, “Legally, I”m a woman,”  And that, my friends, is how the guys met hubby’s favorite homeless person, Shimmy.  Shimmy got her name by us combining ‘she’ and ‘him’ then us jazzing it up a bit by adding the ‘y’.

Shimmy got her shoes stolen a couple weeks ago, so I bought her a cheap pair of flip flops to replace them.  Those were stolen within 3 days.  That’s how you can tell that though she’s wearing a dress and has long hair, Shimmy is no woman.  Any woman worth her salt respects shoes and wouldn’t be so careless.  Poor Shimmy’s got a lot going against her, a tranny is only as good as her make-up (and shoes) and when you’re on a homeless budget, there’s not a lot of discretionary income for stocking up on Maybelline, so essentially, she just looks like what she is, a dude in a dress.  Life’s rough if you’re a homeless tranny.

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